Tuesday, March 30, 2010


So I think the worse thing about my mom friends is that none of them support my writing endeavors. Weird, right? ALL of my single and kid-free friends give me their whole-hearted support.
But every time I tell a mom friend about my writing, critique group, my blog, etc they give me this look and they ALWAYS say the same thing.

"I just don't know when you find the time."

Then they drop it. They don't want to discuss it further, even when I tell them that I have to actually MAKE the time. Now why do they do this?

Because it kind of comes off as a slam. I always end up feeling like I'm being selfish by trying to write when I have kids. I feel like I'm being lazy and not being a good "housewife" or something. Stupid, I know. But that's how they make me feel.
I have one friend in particular who truly never wants to hear about my writing. I even posted on FB that I had actually sold some of my writing- she saw it- but never commented on it.

Today this is bothering me. Yes, I'll get over it- but writing it down on my blog is the first step in the process I guess.
Thank guys, for supporting me. All you writer mommies and non-mommies and men out there in this writing blogosphere- you guys are AWESOME!!!

Anyway, on another note, my little man is indeed tongue-tied.
I'm going to the ENT on Thurs. to schedule his surgery. From what I've heard it's a pretty simple outpatient procedure- but I'm still dreading it. :-( Poor little man!

Anyways, today my goal is to do a critique for a member of my critique group, so that's what I'm off to do. Thanks for listening!


ElegantSnobbery said...

Aw, Dena! Sucks to not have support from the people you know IRL. :( Its always nice to have a support system. You know, I've had a lot of comments, too, over the years. People wondering how I juggle two kids and my illustration business. My answer always is: Because being an illustrator is important to me, and I'm lucky enough to have a husband who supports my dreams.

Let me just say, no one ever asks me anymore. Instead they are on the admiring side. But I never bring my art up with them. I keep my business life separate, unless they bring it up.

Good luck with everything Dena! You know you do have a support group, and we luvs ya!

Kelly@ JustWrite said...

Yes, that's true for me too. I don't even bring it up anymore. Part of me feels like they think I'm being selfish, and part of me thinks that they are jealous that they haven't chased a dream of their own yet.

Maybe it's a little of both. It's okay. I love teaching my kids to chase their dreams. They are watching, and learning. Knowing that keeps me going on many days.

As for those friends? I believe they'll come around. If not, maybe they aren't such good friends after all.

Ann Marie Wraight said...

Hi Dena!
About your little Hunny Bunny.Nothing is going to stop you fretting my friend BUT you know that we are all out here supporting you! That's a huge thing. My little guy ( Mat 8 ) split his head open on Sunday night and we had to rush him to have 6 nasty metal stitch things implanted in his head...sob.
About the pseudo friend thing - Kelly above hit the nail on the head...OH GOD - I did NOT just say that did I...it was unintentional...there is definitely an element of envy involved. That's why I have reached out to you guys. I basically stopped writing 12 yrs ago due to my over-sensitivity and ultra snide remarks from so-called friends. Elegant snobbery said a wise thing; she keeps her prof. life separate from her personal life unless her friends ask about it. Good advice.
Chin up FRIEND-everything will be much better than you expect....
If you guys have a spare mo - pop over to Casey McCormicks blog and read the new post....some Pulitzer / Nobel short listed Brit. writer....and then she woke up...sigh.
Dena and lovely little guy - hugs and kisses from across the ocean X

Kris said...

Dena - people prioritize differently, that's all I can say. From what I can gather, most of us (not all) in this small writerly bloggish community seem to be moms with kids. Some are SAHM, some work part-time, some work full-time. One of my best writer friends gets up at 4:00 am to write. That's making time. That's prioritizing. As for me, my grade-schooler pops on a "story" CD after school and work and we listen together while I type away. Sometimes I feel guilty for not being better at "playing." It's not legos like with her dad, but I'm here and we're together. For the friends who dismiss your writing - too bad for them. Focus on the people who do take an interest - they're out there!

Dena Daw said...

Thanks to all of you for responding! You guys are so great and I'm so thankful to have met all of you by starting this blog! It's great to share a dream with strangers- and then to watch that common dream bring actual relationships to life! Good times!
I'm definitely taking your advice Marisa...I have recently stopped bringing it up at all. But it saddens me that some of my really close friends can't just be happy for me. I hate that I can't talk about something that's so important to me- but it is what it is. It's not like I'm gonna' stop doing it! LOL!
Ann- how scary about your little boy! I'm so glad he's okay! Thanks for thinking of my little man xxx

Alleged Author said...

What was the story you wrote that is being published--what is it about? A saw A Fly in the Amber wants it and I think that's great! Something to put in your query letters! Tell that facebook "friend" to bugger off because she probably hasn't done anything like that. As for your parents, well, can't change parents permanently. But you can TRADE them...wanna swap? I'll see your one set of parents and raise you a demented sister who will constantly tell you you're wasting your time. No? Bummer...I guess I have to keep them.

Heather Kelly said...

Dena--I think that mom is reacting to something inside about her--frustrations about the choices they have made about life--whatever. Anyone who tried to judge instead of understand should be kept at good distance. And mommy friends are born out of proximity and having children of similar ages--not from shared ideals and commonalities. I have recently cut ties with a mommy friend after realizing that the relationship was toxic. I'm not saying that you have to go that far, but just remember to have great boundaries.

And remember, WE are your people. WE get you. WE are here, no matter what. Keep fighting the good fight. And I am so glad you got to the bottom of your son's issue. You're such a great mom!

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